I really meant to write before now.
I mean, it’s been a couple of months. How do you start a blog, intend on updating it regularly, and then do NOTHING with it?!
I have a little bit of an excuse.
I am now a stay at home mom. It is amazing! The last few months have been an intense season of transition for me. As of the time I wrote my last blog post, I was feeling the pressure from above into a season of transition. It was so strong on my heart – I needed to be home. The problem was finances.
We weren’t quite there financially. We were close, but not close enough that we could squeak by without supplementing in some way. I budgeted, I tried to factor in if we sold the second car, eliminated that insurance, etc. I think if we really had to we could do it. But it wouldn’t be comfortable – at all – and that’s not something we really wanted to risk.
My oldest was also about to enter VPK. I really wanted to get him enrolled in a specific school, but that school has a part time curriculum. It’s a partnership between the teacher and the parents – 3 days a week at school (Monday-Wednesday) and then 2 days at home with a homeschool curriculum. There’s no way I could work full-time and have him in this school, obviously.
With the ever-increasing intensity of my desire to be home, I decided to start trying to find a way. Within a day or two, a MAJOR change came about at work; this change was a huge shock and after a few days, I started to wonder if it was a sign. Is it time to move on completely? Or is there a new opportunity opening up here?
After a week or two (I really can’t remember how long) I walked into my manager’s office to have an honest conversation with her – I wasn’t happy anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my job. But I loved my family more and the pull to be home with my boys was more than I could ignore anymore. She was more than understanding; she was supportive, she asked questions that truly made me think, and she told me she would work with me – whatever I decided.
I took a few days to really think about it, pray about it, and talk with Tommy. A potential solution presented itself and I brought it to her. What if I work part time – from home? There was no way to work part time if it wasn’t from home – day care costs would completely negate the income I would make. As it was, I was already bringing home only a fraction of what I was making.
We talked about what my schedule would look like and came to a potential agreement. From there, she took it to the president of the company and they agreed. They didn’t want to lose me and agreed to allow me to work from home, provided I could work a specific number of hours per week and I would not be responsible for my kids during those hours. Nanny, babysitter, or husband – it had to be someone else.
From there, all of the details just fell into place. It was so easy, I couldn’t believe it! I gave a 2 month notice, plenty of time to find a replacement for my then-current position and get things settled and people trained. There were days and times during those 2 months that I began to question my decision – good days at work, bad days at home (when hubby was working and I was with the kids), and then something would happen that would be a complete confirmation that I was doing the right thing. It was like the Lord dropping little nuggets reminding me that I was on the right path.
Ever since that decision, I have felt so much lighter. It was like a weight was lifted off of me, it’s amazing. I’m totally loving being home with my boys. It has been almost a month now and these past weeks have been really wonderful. Sure, there are difficult days – of course. I knew there would be going into it. But overall, I am much happier, much more relaxed, and my boys are happier. I didn’t realize how much it would affect their daily moods. They’re home with mom and they’re getting the attention they need from their mom.
My youngest especially has shown a significant change in disposition when he is home. He is a little less independent than his older brother; he loves attention from mom and dad, loves to be held, and is always following us around to make sure he is right in the middle of things. Before, we would get home from work and he would be really whiny and grumpy all evening. I didn’t understand why he was always so much grumpier at home. It finally hit me that first week of being home. My husband made a comment that our son seemed a lot happier in the evenings. I thought about it and realized he was right – he was happier. I did some more thinking, trying to discover the root of it, when it finally dawned on me. Given his personality, he craves attention from us. Before, only seeing us in the evenings, he was not getting enough. We would get home, have to make dinner, etc, and he would just want to be held the entire time – which obviously didn’t work. So he would fuss and whine the whole time. Now, with me being home all day, he is getting the attention he craves and is all-around happier and more fulfilled.
It’s amazing how God cares about the littlest things and the littlest people. My little guy – not even 2 years old – deeply craves attention from his momma, and is a much happier kid when he gets it. How perfect that during this time of his life I’m able to spend this time with him, helping to build the foundation of his personality and confidence.
Thank you Lord for Your faithfulness in every season.